More questions than answers

I believe that most of the time we go through our days without actually thinking: we wake up, we work, we take care of our families, talk to people, laugh, cry, sleep. We feel happy, sad, exhausted, silly, serious, determined and a myriad of other things. I don’t know about you, but sometimes I stop and wonder: who am I, am I still the same, am I still an interesting person?

My husband and I had our first baby three months ago and it’s curious how having to look after a helpless little human makes me look more into myself and question everything. All of my choices, all the things I’ve ever done, my strange moods… I don’t know; does having a baby turn you into a different person? Does it make you boring?

I feel ashamed thinking about myself when I’m supposed to be thinking about my child and his wellbeing. I love my family and I’d never choose to go back; I don’t want to change anything, at least not any of the choices I’d made. But why then I feel so lost and sad sometimes? Although no, it’s not the baby and nothing like postnatal depression I think. It’s just that I’m so exhausted that certain things that I usually bury easily come right to the surface.

I remember telling my best friend ages ago how I had a little sadness living in me all the time, and sometimes it turned so small I couldn’t even find it, yet sometimes it grew so big and heavy that it overwhelmed me to the point when I didn’t want to leave the house.

So, my little sadness is growing again. Can one be extremely happy and terribly sad at the same time?  That’s exactly how I  feel. Maybe if I write and write and write until there are no more words to say, then I will understand everything. 



Do personal blogs still exist?

I remember how I just started blogging when I was seventeen. Back then my blog was my diary: I shared my life, my secret thoughts, my stories… I talked about my fears and dreams and all the things that I would never tell the people I knew. And I read blogs of similar people: those who wrote for the sake of writing; they wrote because they loved it. Nowadays it seems like one’s blog has to be about something specific: fashion, books, business, children, lifestyle, etc.  And it seems like writing itself is not the main purpose anymore. It’s all about making money. So tell me, is it just me or are you feeling the same way? 

I know there is Facebook and Instagram where you show people what your life is about. However, it’s not the same. Social media is a place where you show a pretty picture; but blog is where you tell your real story. Or at least it used to be.

I’m a little bit rusty, to tell you the truth. That is, I haven’t written in a while and I don’t even know if I make sense. But I would really like to try this now: start a personal blog and see if it feels as good as it used to, and if I can find interesting people to follow, to talk to and to maybe even become friends with.

So if you’re reading this now and have a personal blog, please comment: tell me just a few words about yourself. What’s your name, what do you like, what do you hate… I’d greatly appreciate it if you can recommend blogs to follow as well.

I’ll start:

My name’s Anna, I live in England not too far from London. I’m 28. I love simple things: water, especially the sea; walking and holding hands with my husband; good food and challenging recipes. I hate insects (why does there have to be so many spiders in summer?); when people are not sincere; and food again because it’s so hard to stop eating it.

And I really hope this blogging experience will turn into something amazing.